Friday, December 17, 2010

Time flies when you are preggers. :D

Well ladies it's been too long since my last post and for that I apologize. We are reaching the end of our pregnancy journey and little baby Chloe May Soleil is now a mere 3 weeks away. So much has happened in such a short period of time.

One thing I would like to share is something that came up a few months ago between my partner and I. He has no particular faith or religious belief and he overheard me talking to my best friend and fellow priestess about a baby registry for my baby woo shower. I am having a Yule celebration/ baby wicca shower with my girls :). He overheard me creating my amazon reigstry with her. In case you are curious lol here is what my woo registry looks like: After she and I stopped giggling, had created the registry and hung up he asked me what I had been doing.

Back when we first began dating we had discussed our religious differences and had agreed that we would ultimately allow our children to decide what journey was right for them, and what path they wanted to follow. He, however, had thought that meant we would not teach them any religious belief system and let them find one later in life. In my mind I had thought that I would raise them Pagan, as he had no preference, and if later they themselves choose a different path then so be it.  We talked about this for quite some time and he did agree that he would be fine with her being given a base of understanding of Paganism as long as I would allow her to choose ultimately later on for herself. This I felt was more then fair.

We are lucky in that we communicate very effectively together and for the most part on big issues such as this always seem to find a mutual understanding and agreement. It made me realize however how difficult this conversation would have been if he were less open minded or had himself a very devout but different religious belief then myself. Creating and blending a family can be complicated. The discussion again reminded me of how blessed our family truly is. Our little witchlet has a lot of love and support coming her way.

Blessed Be,
Kanani )O(

Monday, July 19, 2010


With my recent energy surge following my first trimester I have decided to start planning our Lughnasad gathering. I am excited and have been told by numerous girls that they are definitely in need of some grounding and magick time.

Since it is still a couple of weeks away I was going to openup the post to any suggestions you ladies might have for any fun activities or crafts you ladies might suggest.

I love new ideas and suggestions so please feel free to post as many as you can think of.

Blessed Be )O(

Friday, July 16, 2010

The first trimester...

I have lovingly dubbed my first trimester my hibernation period.  I am now on week 14 and my energy and digestive system has much improved. Although I never had morning sickness I did have some pretty severe indigestion. Most importantly though during my first trimester I could not get enough sleep Zzzzzzzzzz. Naps were a MUST!

It is so exciting to be feeling better and have my energy return to normal. We have 6 more weeks before we find out if it is a boy or a girl. Neither of us care that much and will be thrilled either way. Originally George had his heart set on a boy, but the idea of possibly a daughter has him beaming. I already know if it's a boy the nursery will have a jungle theme, and if a girl a forest theme.

All bets are off once we hit fall. On rush the holidays and we all know how time flies during the holidays. The baby is due January 16th which will appear out if nowhere. I am going to try and be better about posting more often to keep an ongoing record of things.

Hibernation is over and so let the planning begin.....

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Little witch on board...

Well my friends, my recent tiredness and difficulty focusing has been explained by the discovery of a little witch on the way. I am 8 and a half weeks pregnant. The news was definitely a surprise but not at all an unhappy one. This is my first baby, and I must say as a first time father George is remarkably calm. Siince we have known now for a few weeks he has begun to get VERY excited.

It is amazing how everything in our lives is changing. We have decided to stay in our current apartment.because I love it and we may want to move in another year. We will wait to buy a house until then. I am now going to school half time instead of full time since I already also work full time. He has cut down on how many work commitees he will be on. Underneath all the changes is a brreeze of excitement.

I must admit he took the initial news more calmly then I did, however, I am now completely in awe and trying to savor this time. I am going to start doing prenatal yoga and taking longer walks. My diet has improved tremendously. My only wish is for a smooth and safe pregnancy. So far I have only the fatigue and indigestion (which was why I took the test in the first place).

Although sometimes I feel like my life doesn't make sense, there are always moments of clarity and feeling like this was all just the way it was meant to be. I am so happy and I will post my sonogram after my appointment on the 22nd.

I did find an excellent source through a labor doula and that was:

I will begin deepening my mediatation and trance practices in hopes it might help me during delivery.

I welcome any coments, tips, advice from my fellow Pagan mommies. :)

Blessed Be )O(

Thursday, April 15, 2010

We all need a deep breath now and then.

So yesterday was an incredibly difficult day for me. My stress level was through the roof and everything that could have gone wrong seemed to have gone wrong. As my stress level was rising I was trying to remind myself. This is just a moment. In one week this moment will no longer matter so don’t let yourself get to worked up. Don’t ruin your day or be mean/ angry because the consequences of that are not worth just trying to get through this moment.

I am a tremendously anxious person. I worry constantly and always work to keep my head on straight. I have over the last month tried to work on that. I try and take the advice I give to others about taking a deep breathe and trying to take things one step at a time. One of my best friends practices weekly and daily meditations. I know I am sorely lacking in the time that I allow my mind and spirit to decompress from all that I put it through. So I have been making a conscious effort to work on giving my mind, body and spirit a break.

I am trying to take little time outs to try and keep my blood pressure down; reminding me even the most horrible moments will be fleeting and will pass. I am trying to be more active and take power walks or go to the gym to release pent up energy and frustration. I am also listening to podcasts by Gil Fronsdale a practicing Buddhist with a PhD in Buddhism studies. The sound of his voice is soothing enough let alone all the wonderful things he has to say in his podcasts.

Another thing I have spoken to my boyfriend about is something that is very big for me. I am working on being a better listener and controlling my reactions to difficult situations. It sounds relatively simple however, it is far from. I don’t like being visibly weak, vulnerable or goddess forbid wrong. I am wrong often however and need to find a way to wear that gracefully. I am enjoying my new thoughtfulness and realize I spend too much time criticizing others behavior and not enough critiquing my own. I am working to change that in hopes of being a better person, partner, friend and HPS.

Check out the podcast, you may love them as much as me. They are a wonderful way to pass the time and be self reflective.

Blessed Be )O(

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Life is full of oppurtunities...

I have come to realize one critical thing in the last year and that is once you step out of your self imposed limitations there is no end to what you can achieve or work towards. The only exception to this might be running out of time in a day. :) If only I didn't need to sleep. lol

Sitting in my Anatomy and Physiology class last night we were discussing the limbic system and the different regions within the brain. Their functions and how they are affected. Aromatherapy is something I have believed in and utilized for many many years. The clinical basis behind it, however, is now something I have to delve into. I am very excited to begin some personal research on clinical aromatherapy.

I no longer push aside things that fascinate me or ideas that I have. Instead I choose to embrace them and relish delving into topics, ideas or experiences that I used to shy away from or just ignore. My life is more fulfilling then it has ever been. All because I have changed one thing about myself. I will try it. Whatever it is, where ever it is, no matter how uncomfortable it makes me. If it is something I feel experiencing will make me a better, stronger, and happier person I will keep an open mind. I used to be the queen of saying, "I don't like that." People would ask, have you ever tried it? I would say no, I just know I wouldn't like it.

I now LOVE spicy foods, SCI FI movies, being a HPS, school and trying new things as often as I can. I always told myself I don't like school and wouldn't do well in it, so why bother. I am now exceling in school and have no doubt my bachelors will be achieved.  I no longer fear others judgement or teasing. I am very happy being me and ironically find that peope are encouraged by my drive to be myself and find things that make me happy.. There is so much life out there for the taking. There are languages that can be learned, instruments that can be played, books to read. The relization that all I have to do is to stop thinking and start doing was a huge turning point in my life. It has changed me to my very core.

Is there something new you have learned lately?  Have you stepped out of your comfort zone to experience something new and loved it? I would love to hear.

Blessed Be

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Ostara Potluck

I have a very eclectic group of people that I practice with. There is one very dominant fact however, and that is the Mommies out number us two to one. Choosing to be initiated under Brig was definitely an excellent choice. Being a part of a magick group in the middle of suburbia is definitely a lot of fun. It does however, also bring about some challenges.

We have some members where Paganism is a family practice, and some members whose partners do not practice. To me the group/ coven is about bringing together like minded and compassionate people who can all grow and support each other, while traveling their group and individual magickal pathes. So the fact that some of our members partners (mine included) do not practice means that there are people in their partners lives whom they would never meet. All the girls I practice with I consider friends and am proud to know. I would like my partner to know them as well.

Thus my idea of the Ostara potluck. I will continue to keep it an annual tradition where we have no formal ritual, Just a family celebration where all partners, family and children can attend. The focus will be very kid friendly. This year I printed out coloring books for some of the older kids about Ostara. Most of our groups children are very young and so activities are limited for now. But I feel it its importnant to include families now and then so they can understand who their partner practices with and feel in some small way part of the group.

This years potluck was a hit!! There were babies everywhere. LOL The weather even cooperated and allowed us to sit and visit outside on the patio. It was nice meeting some new faces and spending time allowing people to "mingle." Future events were discussed, both kid friendly and not. I was very excited when the Mom's started offering up aromatherapy advice to one another to help soothe fussy babies. Not being a mother myself I find it interesting that I am HPS of a group almost exclusively moms. My Best friend and fellow HPS is not surprised at all. I think the fact I don't have children but LOTS of experience with them allows me the time and appreciation for being their HPS. It is so much fun and when I get pictures back I will add them to my post. This is a wonderful group of strong individuals and I can not wait for Beltaine. We will have both a formal ritual as well as I will be giving my goddaughter Irelynd her Wiccaning. :)

~Blessed Be )O(

Tuesday, March 23, 2010


3/2/10 My goddaughter Cora Grace Huffaker came into the world. She weighed 7 lbs 8 oz and was 21 inches long. After spending 25 hours in a hospital and her Mom being in labor for 29 hours we were all very happy to meet her.

There are definitely moments in life that can not even be put into words. Robin aka my wife (because we are so close), and I have spent the last 4 years of our life inseparable.We knew each other as acquaintances in high school. We got along, but as adults we found solace in being friends with someone so much like ourselves. Seeing Robin as a mom is almost like a window for me to see what I would likely be like as a mother if I so choose. Seeing her with Cora is like watching a fish swim. Robin is a natural born mother and handles Cora with ease and finesse. You would never guess that Cora was her first child with how comfortable she is around her. I look forward to watching Cora grow up and experience life. I am so grateful to be a part of it. I will do whatever I can to be the best godmother I can. 

Welcome Cora Grace!! )O(

Night one of Rocky Horror Picture show was... A SUCCESS!!

Rocky Horror Picture Show

I spent the entire day thinking... I CAN"T DO THIS!!!

When you are committed to doing something, in my mind backing out and letting everyone else down isn't really an option. Luckily, however, most of the other cast members I later learned had also never been in a production. Learning that little tid bit, helped a lot!

I put on my corset, fishnets, thigh highs and bloomers and set out to try and just NOT freeze. My friend and I went out for a courage drink, okay maybe more then one and went to the show. At this point I had spent two weeks at home listening to the soundtrack and studying the movie. I tried to be as prepared as I could.

The friday @ 7 o'clock show I was Rocky. I got chased around the room and did my best to flex when needed. :) I have to admit as long as you don't really think about the fact that 100 people are watching you. It's a blast. Coach Natas came in and was Rocky for the 10 o' clock show and so I played Riff Raff. I didn't feel like I did very well as I hadn't really studied his part in the movies. Although I knew the Time Warp by then like the back of my hand!!

After the 10 o' clock show, I saw the two people who were in charge of the show talking. I was supposed to play Janet for the two shows on Saturday. Oh geez, I thought... they kept looking my way. I thought they were obviously trying to think of a nice way to ask me to not play Janet, as it was a big role and I likely didn't do that well. That was fine I though. I would be very grateful to participate at all and wouldn't be hard on myself since I was just proud of myself for conquering a fear of being in front of an audience like that.  Derek walked up to me and said, " I don't know quite how to ask you this but, you were so much fun to watch out there and you do such a great job we would like it if instead of Janet tomorrow night you played Dr. Frankenfurter?"

To say you could have knocked me over with a feather wouldn't even do that moment justice. I had not only conquered a fear and tried something I never thought I would have the guts to do, but I did it well. I stared at him in shock, " do you think I could do that?"

"Do you?" he replied. I paused for a second and then said Yes, I will. I was worried that if I thought about it too long I would chicken out and miss out on yet another AMAZING oppurtunity.

Playing Dr. Frankenfurter was incredible and awesome. I had fun and was remarkably comfortable considering the outfit I was wearing, but alas. I did it! The  confidence boost I have received from this is amazing. I did something I never thought I could do. I allowed myself to be on  stage in front of 300 people Saturday night wearing an outfit that would make most anyone blush. I played the lead character and had eyes on me. I did not falter and I did not fail. Instead I had fun and enjoyed myself. I didn't feel self conscience or worry in the slightest. That was a big step for me. Both in my comfort level in my body image and in being less fearful of trying new things. I never knew how much I would love Rocky Horror Picture Show.

FYI... I have been asked to come back when they do it again for Halloween. I said... you bet!!

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

What was I thinking??

Well the title pretty much gives this away but... I agreed to help a friend who is putting on a production of Rocky Horror Picture Show. I was thinking sure I will put on my fishnets, obscenely short skirt and pass out bags or collect tickets. Oh no my friends. Just call me Rocky. That's right I will be playing Rocky in the performance. GULP!!

Let me preface this by saying I am not a hardcore RHPS fan. Meaning, I have never been to a live production, I have only seen the movie twice and I sure as heck don't know all the approrpriate RHPS etiquette. So as I was saying ha hum, WHAT WAS I THINKING?!?!

Now those who know me know that I do nothing half ass. For the last week and up until next weekend I have bombarded myself with the Rocky Horror Picture Show soundtrack, as well as watching the movie as many times as I can. Oh and did I mention there is only going to be one rehearsel. OY OY OY!!

But this is a great example of something that I wouldn't normally do. As I have said in prior posts one of the things that has changed the most about me is I am open to all new things. I no longer live in my sheltered little bubble where I only "like" things that are familiar. I have found so many new loves for things ie: rollar derby, practicing my craft in a group setting, and even school. These are all things that if you told me I would be doing 3 years ago I would have laughed at you and thought,  "I would never." I am thrilled that the old me would be wrong.

My life has been so enriched by all my new experiences. I find humor in the fact that my boyfriend has no idea how cloistered and up tight I used to be.  He has no idea that just 2 years ago I was terribly unhappy, lonely, and unsure what kind of a future lay ahead of me. The path I was one sadly had no real chance of permenance. He has only known me to be fun loving, outgoing, confident and always doing something crazy. There are times when I miss the monotany I used to have, the calm. However, I never miss the sadness, the self doubt and constant feeling of not being good enough no matter how hard I tried.  Life is so very different now.

As silly as this is I am so excited to be doing this. To me it just further shows me how far I have come. I promise there will be pictures posted afterwards, no matter how embarassing they may be. In the mean time I will just keep shaking my head and saying, "What was I thinking?"

Monday, February 1, 2010

A big thank you...

I was lucky enough to have the helpful hand of a good friend Len, assist me in the update of my blog page. I love it! It's just what I wanted. :) I always appreciate it when people take time out of their own busy lives to offer me a hand. He was incredibly informative. He not only helped me to update my blog but taught me how to do it. I was very pleased when he was impressed at how much I already knew and how computer saavy I was. I believe the comment: your geek is showing, was used. After checking to make sure my clothes were still on... I laughed.

I have learned to do so much over the last year and a half. I have a difficult time relating to the girl I was 2 years ago ( thank goddess herself) and an even harder time relating to the girl I was 6 years ago. So much of me has changed. There really is no obstacle too great or intimidating. I now do things merely for the fact that I have never done them before. I no longer shy away from new things or fear them. Every day is a new adventure and I am always excited by what will happen or what I will discover next.

On top of working full time and taking my pre requisites in school for Nursing I am acting HP for Novices West. You can now add to that taking classes in HTML to help me with my blog and the site I am developing.  My life is beyond full, it is insane all that I do and all that my poor brain has to think about in any given day. However, I feel blessed to have the oppurtunity and abilities to actively pursue my goals and dreams.

Life is forever changing and everyday in my world seems to bring a new change. Everyday though, seems even better then the last. :)

Blessed Be

Sunday, January 31, 2010

Happy day...

For how busy and crazy my world has been, I am enjoying an incredibly relaxing afternoon. I am happily curled up on my couch and reading my newest book, Progressive Witchcraft, by Janet Farrar & Gavin Boone. Both of whom I have meet at Pagan gatherings. I find them to be incredibly informed and excellent teachers. Janet wrote the Witches Bible with her late husband Stewart Farrar in the 70's. I was told by my best friend and fellow HP that this book was especially helpful for those of us who are running or plan on running a group/ coven. A resource like that is not easy to find. So far I am loving the book.

The rest of my Saturday plans involve more reading as well as studying the skeletal system for my Anatomy & Physiology class. I think my body is finally adjusting to the crazy schedule I keep. This is the first time in the last month I have felt energized, it's wonderful.

Some point this weekend or during the week I need to revamp an Imbolc ritual for our celebration this coming weekend. I was given a beautiful Imbolc ritual from my best friends first HP. It is a ritual for a much larger group then we currently have, so I will be accomadating it to our smalller coven. I am so excited! The fact that the girls and I are now celebrating all the Sabbats together is somehing I was not expecting. On top of that the group has grown from me and 4 others to 11 of us total. I was already a part of a group that was originally based on the East coast. So now my girls and I have become a west coast branch of an even bigger group. I feel blessed in so many ways and the fact that Magick has become such a central part of my daily life only shows me how far I have come and how blessed I really am.

Blessed Be


Vegas...Woohoo :)

I guess I should start by saying.. HOLY CRAP! Everything is soo BIG! To call Vegas a place of extravagance really does not do it justice. Where else can two people get crepes for breakfast for $40.00. lol The strip reminded me a lot of New York's Times Square. Big billboards, signs/ advertisements everywhere. In Vegas, however, you get to see billboards of half naked women attached to vehicles whose only purpose is to go back and forth on the strip. lol. If that's not enough for you, haha you can just grab one of the handy fliers being handed out every 20 ft by men advertising for different strip clubs or phone lines. I found it hilarious seeing my boyfriend attempting to dodge these fliers, weaving back and forth like a ball on pong, hahaha.

We stayed at the Bellagio which was amazing! We saw the Cirque Du Soliel "O" show which was phenomenal. I will now see them every time they come to town. It was extraordinary. We went to Mandalay Bay to the Shark Reef., also amazing. I myself enjoyed the touch tank where I got to touch sting rays and other fish! He thought it was icky. LOL It was a lot of activities in a short period of time. All of it was incredible though. I want so badly to go back for my dirty thirty birthday in October. It was a vacation I definitely needed and he and I always have a blast together. :)

I can't wait to go back!

The Bellagio fountain show was amazing as well take a look.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Almost Vegas time baby!

I’m going to Vegas. For all of you who don’t know, this will be my first ever Vegas vacation and I could not be more excited about it. The boyfriend and I are going down Friday night, and his family will be arriving Saturday afternoon. We are going down to help celebrate his cousin’s 21st birthday. I have decided to leave the broomstick at home, but never you fear, I have packed the dress that is about 3 inches too short and does not allow for sitting! His favorite dress. Shocking right?

I am so excited to see all the sights and sounds and feel the buzz of the street. I no doubt will be coming home physically exhausted, if not even a wee bit hung over. Don’t worry though there will be pictures in the next posting Crafty Goddess does Vegas!!

Hmmm… Where could I get a handy travel broom?

Monday, January 18, 2010

Avatar and Paganism make the news together…

In a recent World Day of Peace message, the pontiff warned against any notions that equate humans and other living things. He said such notions "open the way to a new pantheism tinged with neo-paganism, which would see the source of man's salvation in nature alone.


Perhaps the pontiff is missing the point.

Neo paganism isn’t about worshipping nature as a god per say. It’s about god / goddess existing in nature and thus treating it with the respect it deserves instead of pillaging it for all it’s worth with no regard. The fact that Avatar is about such a concept further proves that religions are leaning towards a time of a more hands on and 3 dimensional type of spirituality. The believe it merely because I said so and you should is beginning to hold a lot less ground.

We are a collective on this world together. We can collectively destroy or create. The choice is ours. I look forward to the day when people no longer feel the need to hide in the broom closet and can speak of there Pagan beliefs openly and without fear. I smile because I believe that will happen in my lifetime.

Friday, January 8, 2010

How to Spot a Pagan...

People often ask me how do I know when someone else is Pagan? It’s as if I would need some sort of Pagan radar, PADAR if you will to sniff them out of a crowd. The truth is a bit easier then that.

For one thing I live in the NW and a good portion of the people here even MANY self proclaimed Christians have very liberal and or alternative religious views. Not all people who follow the Pagan path also claim the title. Nature based religions really need not look much harder for a place to live then the beautiful wilderness of the NW.

The interesting fact is, however, that truthfully Pagans find me. Rarely do I meet a new fellow Pagan/ Wiccan friend at a new age store or retreat. I meet people there as well however where ever I go people find me. You may be thinking this makes no sense. Let me tell you a story.

A few months back I had not been feeling well and went to Urgent Care. I sat patiently in the room, they took my stats, the Dr. came in, said hi and he was waiting on results. He would be back when they were done. I sat and fiddled with my phone, waiting for results. Approximately ten minutes later he comes in.

“OK, we aren’t sure what’s wrong but you should be okay, all your tests came back fine.” Then he looks at me and sits down. He smiles, starts beaming and asks…”How much do you like fairies?” (Keep in mind my clothes are sitting in the chair next to me and I am wearing an ER gown.)

I laugh and think to myself of course this is happening. I smiled and said, “A LOT.”

He put his head down very modestly and said, “I have never told anyone this, but my grandmother used to tell me stories about these two fairies that lived and worked on her farm. My grandmother was a very well respected, smart and educated woman.”

I smiled and nodded so he could continue.

“I believed her,” he said. “Ever since then I have wondered and thought about fairies. My wife and I went to Europe and took a tour of places where they have had famous fairy sightings.”He started beaming and laughing, “I don’t know why I am telling you this?”

I smiled “don’t feel bad, everyone tells me things like this. I have had a romance with the Fae since I was young.”

“There is something about you. I just felt like I could tell you. I have never talked to someone about this stuff. This is so exciting.”

“There is a very large fairy conference in the NW perhaps you and your wife could attend some year. I know people who have been and they love it.” I suggested.

Anyone who has been to the ER knows that Dr’s are in and out. This Dr. did not want to leave my room. Instead he proceeded to bombard me with questions about Paganism, fairies, magick. All of which I was happy to answer. He thanked me and said he had always wanted to meet a “person like me” and it made his year. I thanked him while wearing nothing but my paper dress and socks, got dressed and left.

These are the interactions I speak of. Somehow people just know. Random strangers will talk to me about ghosts, spirits, talking to their deceased loved ones, fairies, magick, a plethora of different things. Telling me things you usually don’t talk to strangers about. What I believe is so ingrained in who I am that others seemingly can see it too. I am no longer bothered or taken a back by these types of situations as they have become so common place. For those who mistakenly think that Paganism or other alternative religions are for uneducated or lower class people have no idea the Dr’s, lawyers and OH yes government officials I have met along my way. Pagan’s are everywhere, and all types and classes of people. I am proud to be among them and luckily they are not too hard to find..

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

2010 is off in a flash

I have been a novice of magick since I was in high school. When it really clicked in for me, however, and became a part of my everyday life was after the purchase of my first home. My ex husband and I it seemed, were not the houses only inhabitants. Since then I have practiced, learned, experienced and grown in my spiritual path.

I had a magickal group I was apart of I really enjoyed. It existed on the East Coast, while I existed on the West Coast. That group disbanded and morphed into a new group, of which I am still a member. While here on the West coast approximately a year and a half ago I met a group of women who shared in my spiritual beliefs and lifestyle.

It began very simply, just me and a couple of friends getting together for some candle magick. That lead to me leading a Mabon ritual of 5, a harvest celebration of 7, me getting an initiation to Brighid, and lastly we had a Yule celebration with 11 people and a Wiccaning. Whew how we have grown.

I now hear news of more people’s interest into our group. Groups like ours are special and not always easy to find. I am so proud that these people have chosen me as the person they trust to help and be there along their own spiritual journeys. It’s a blessing to say the least. I have promised to do my best to offer an ear, lend a hand, or offer support when needed. This is by far one of the most fulfilling things I have done in my life. As such I felt it deserving to once again begin documenting this journey so that others might learn, enjoy and probably get a laugh or two at my expense.

Welcome and Blessed Be )O(